There you are…already completely fabulous in your a) leather miniskirt b) hand-beaded broomstick knit shrug c) vintage charcoal summerweight wool boy suit…and you get invited in for an interview for a great job. Or at least one you can survive on. You know you can’t look your kind of fabulous: you have to look their kind of acceptable. Aren’t job interviews one of the biggest reasons we have to transform ourselves? Maybe not for all you independent geniuses but I make most of my living working in fairly conservative offices. That’s where a lot of my how-to-look-harmless theories come from, but more on that in a moment. Two things they always look at during job interviews are your nails and your shoes. The shoes should be new looking, i.e., either new or polished, and depending on how snotty the office is, should at least look expensive. High heels, while de rigeur for the Manhattan fashionista, are not important for the anywhere-else would-be new hire; new looking, expensive or expensive-looking flats are fine, the cleaner and simpler the lines the better. I don’t have to tell you brown, black, charcoal or navy are the only colors to look harmless in, do I? For especially harmless, try a lighter shade of brown. It also makes you look trustworthy, according to those in the dressing-for-court business. But then there are the nails…you may sincerely believe that long artificial nails with tropical sunset scenes painted on each one are the only way to go. (The head of the legal department at a huge labor union I once toiled for believed this, and even believed it quite dapper to have had her nail artiste brush on each one, in tiny letters, “FUCK YOU”–that’s New York, bebeh, one can’t make this shit up.) Your potential employers will not share your belief. Nor will the bitten-to-the-quick bare, hangnailed fingers of your average single mom or painter give that hiring partner the green light. No, before you go in to interview, either get your nail artiste to divest you of the talons, leaving short to medium nails, and shape them round or squoval (a cross between a square and an oval), or, if you’re on the bitten-off end of the spectrum, then slather those peeling fingertips in cream for at least 24 hours–more time if you have it–as often as you remember. Although I often inveigh against drugstore products which are totally eclipsed by their serious make-up company counterparts, for hand and cuticle softening, any low-cost drugstore cuticle cream whose ingredients don’t appall or scare you is fine, just use it often. Then, during the interview itself, you can use the secret weapon: lip gloss. Any fairly sheer, fairly pinkish sort will do, as long as it’s glossy. Just rub a tiny amount over each nail. A tiny amount, not a glop…and the rosy glow of healthy, natural nails, the subtle gleam of extremely professional looking squoval nails, not to mention cuticle confidence, will be yours. If they don’t hire you they’re not the type of people you’d’ve wished to work for anyway.